Update

Wow! It’s been almost two years since I last posted! The site was down for some of that time so I couldn’t post an update but I just haven’t had the urge to write and that is the real reason for it.

I’m still a Christian and God has finally helped me engage with a church! I have struggled to find a church since I became a Christian 48 years ago. Some of the struggle was feeling that the people at the churches were judging me. Some was pure laziness and unwillingness to put in the effort but I have been going to church now for around 6 months and I feel like I have found the right place for me.  I have been reading the bible and having daily devotions and prayer time for about four years not counting some gaps here and there but God has been making me feel I need the fellowship and guidance of a church family too so that’s another “If I was a good Christian I would be..” check-box ticked along with the not smoking one.

It’s been almost two years since I had the weight-loss surgery and I lost a total of 20 kilos in the end but I have since put 7 of those back on. My inability to control my appetite remains a thorn in my side and a cause of poor health. I still fall into the obese range of the weight scale which sucks.

I still don’t consume nicotine in any form – no cigarettes, no gum, no patches, no vaping and there is no temptation at all to do so meaning that addiction has been conquered completely. My gambling addiction, on the other hand, is waiting in the wings to take control of me again if I am not careful so I am careful and am able to resist the impulse to gamble more often than not. The times when I give in to the impulse to gamble I am able to control how much I lose and stop when I still have cash on me which would never have been possible once.

I’m self-employed now. I was made redundant twice as a supervisor so I am no longer supervising anyone. I am working as a psychologist seeing clients face to face or via phone or video. I operate as my own boss in my own business doing contract work for another business who has more clients than they can see themselves. I’m considering going online with my business and taking clients via a new website but that won’t be easy as my brother, who is my website manager, is facing challenges of his own that are distracting him from his computer work.

I currently work three days a week seeing clients and there is enough work available that I could be doing two or three times more hours than I am. I recently cut back from seeing 7 clients a day (21 per week) to only 5 a day as the paperwork adds an extra day to the time spent and I have been struck down by a new health challenge that makes it hard to focus, sit, get up off a chair or walk.

There has been no recurrence of the cancer for which I thank God but I have been struck down by osteoarthritis. I have it in both shoulders, both knees, my left hip, my spine and my left thumb. The pain is constant and pain killers just ease it a little. The doctor said the state of my shoulder and hip joints is bone-on-bone and cannot be treated by anything but surgery. Pain killers won’t be enough and it’s too late for physio or exercise. Even weight loss won’t make enough difference she said so I am booked to speak to someone about being put on a waiting list for surgery.

I’m not sure if I had the skin condition last time I updated but my scalp sheds skin like a waterfall sheds water and it constantly itches! I have had multiple treatments all of which have resulted in the condition going from bad to worse and I am at my wits end. The only thing that helps at all is to slather my head in coconut oil but that gets into my eyes and stains my bedding and clothing and it takes multiple washes to get it out of my hair when I need to go out in public.

Washing my hair is not easy these days. The pain in my shoulders is excruciating and makes it hard to lift my hands up to my head. Washing the oil out requires two to three washes. I’ve been told they won’t do more than one joint replacement at a time so I have to decide whether I want a shoulder replacement or a hip one first.

My shoulder pain interferes with so much. I can’t wipe my butt without pain. I can’t wash under my arms, dry myself properly, or use a stick deodorant. I can’t make my bed, hang my washing, sweep or mop and so on. It all hurts. If I got the right shoulder done I could at least wipe my butt without pain!

On the other hand – my hip makes is impossible to sit still when I am on the wrong kind of chair – which appears to be pretty much all chairs! For some reason my hip does like my car seat so, when there is a gap in clients, I go sit in my car to ease the pain. It also tolerates my personal office chair well so I can work OK from home usually.

I am already hard pressed to control the need to squirm and scratch my scalp during therapy sessions but I can still do it and deliver therapy OK (as far as I know – nobody has complained – yet). If the pain continues to get worse at the same rate as it has been over the past month, however, I might be forced to see less clients or only see them via video or phone or even stop working altogether.

Meanwhile my landlord just emailed me to say my rent is going up by $60 dollars per week in May so now I have to look for somewhere else to live. My mind refuses to even contemplate how much it is going to hurt to pack and move!

You’d think I would be depressed wouldn’t you? You’d think I would be asking God – WHY!?

Nope!

As long as I’m breathing I have a reason to PRAISE THE LORD! I have so many things to be thankful for that all the things I could complain about don’t seem to be worth mentioning.

I just know there is a reason for all this and if my role in God’s family is to suffer then I will suffer to the very best of my ability. I will do my best to carry on without complaining and, even better, sing praise the Lord oh my soul in between the ouches and uh oh’s while I’m suffering!

If I had to choose between my life with the faith I have and a life of ease, riches, and health without my faith I would choose this life without hesitation even knowing what I know now. I just would have tried to take better care of this body while it could have made a difference is all.

God Bless you all – I pray for all my readers and their family and friends every day!